Thursday, October 21, 2010

After several shit filled weeks, I have gotten to the point where I am done. I am a broken person. I hope you are happy. I have never felt so bad or so in pain. I can only equate myself to a punching bag being hit, kicked and punched over and over again. And for what, What the hell did I ever do TO YOU that was so deserving of the treatment I have received? I strive to be a good person, a hard worker, a good mom, and a good mate- but I am reminded almost minutely how miserably I fail at everything I try.

So you have won. You have defeated me, and my spirit. I can no longer go through my days and nights with my head held high. I have noted than I am shrinking into a wall flower. I am afraid to walk with my head up for fear someone will catch my eye and see my pain. I feel like a small child, if you can’t see my face, you can’t see me. I am afraid to talk - only to hear my ideas, opinions and dreams ridiculed and tossed aside like a bag of rubbish.

What I have yet to understand is, Why do you treat a human this way? I have seen you treat less of a person so much better, but then again I have seen you treat others like trash as well. I have feelings, and you have crushed them. I have experienced the worst of the emotions, feeling so low- my self esteem is in the gutter, and I don’t know if there is anything strong enough to pull it back out.

I am giving up- and the sad thing is - you will only do it over and over and over again- until someone stops you.