Friday, September 6, 2013

I don't get it.........

I don’t get it- Tears are falling, no cascading on my pillow- and I don’t get it. Yes- I lost my most wonderful dog Chauncey on Monday- but I have cried and grieved for him, and I know he is better off. I also know when it is my time I will see him again. 

I miss my son- but he has a lot on his plate- and I want him to soar like an eagle- so he cant come home right now- maybe I should jump a plane and go see his face- I think I need a couple of Matty hours- if only for a long weekend.

I am still trying to figure out my downfalls......why do I sit in a corner and you ignore me? WHAT have I done to you to make you IGNORE me over and over again? When I try to come and join in conversation, why do you shun me as if I have the plague? Do I smell?  Do I act as if I don’t have any intelligence? Do I have a third eye or a horn growing out of my head.  What you do is cruel, and hurtful. But you have won- I won’t come and invade your space anymore. (PS- I took great pleasure in noticing you missed a belt loop tonight. And screw the University of Arkansas!) And WHY do people invite me if they are ONLY going to ignore me when I get there- 

And as far as friends go- I have learned they are only there as long as they are getting something as well- I thought it didn’t hurt- but it does. You made me cry, after I swore you would NOT make me cry.  Again, I don’t know what I did to you- apparently something-but I have no clue- 

So tired of tears, of hurt, of feeling alone. I deserve so much more- I deserve smiles- laughter, happiness. I caught a frog tonight- kissed him- no prince appeared- getting tired of waiting- When do I get my happy ending?


fredamans said...

My deepest condolences for your dog.
Sorry you are having some low days. Maybe a trip to see your sons' face is the answer.